Beach Etiquette for Dummies

Ahhhhh....the beach. The salty smell in the air. The sound of the waves crashing. Your toes in the water, butt in the sand.

Stop. Rewind, start again:

Ahhhh...the beach. The smell of dog and seagull poo. The sound of your neighbors radio blaring in your ear. Your butt getting knocked to the ground after being hit by a flying football.

Yeah, unfortunately these days the above can be how your "relaxing" day at the beach goes. After witnessing some of these things on a recent beach trip, I found it necessary to write my own "Beach Etiquette for Dummies". Of course I will preface this by saying that this is only my opinion...as I've moved into my adult years, my thoughts and priorities have changed as will yours. :)

1. Boom Boom pow versus Chicken Fried versus Rock of Ages- no matter what your taste in music (and I do like all 3 of the above by the way), you brought that boom box for YOU and your crew...not for the whole beach. If I wanted to listen to music, I'd have brought my own. Therefore, you keeping your radio at a somewhat respectable decibel level is greatly appreciated. Otherwise, I'll be forced to break out my Barry Manilow.

2. No naked butts on the beach- If you choose to smoke, that's your prerogative. However, if you choose to smoke on the beach, please do not throw your cigarette butts in the sand. Find a place to put your butts and then dump them in the trash when you leave. Frankly, that's just plain lazy and NOT COOL. Here are a few facts I found about why naked butts left on the beach are BAD:

• Cigarette butts are one of the most commonly found litter items on beaches.
  
• They are not biodegradable.
• 1 cigarette butt can take up to 15 years to break down.
• Each cigarette butt can pollute 3 litres of seawater.
• Cigarette butts are often mistaken for food by marine wildlife.

3. Here's one my 13 year old just cannot seem to grasp. Shake a hand, shake your bon bon...don't shake your towel!- at least not within the vicinity of others. Determine the direction of the wind, walk out of the way of people around you, THEN shake your towel. We all already have sand in all kinds of unmentionable places and we'd like to be able to see to remove it!

4. Your body is a wonderland...and I wonder why you feel I must see certain parts of it. If you have a great, fit body, then you'll look GREAT in a bathingsuit that FITS and fabulously covers all of your great pieces parts. I don't need to see your bossoms or your bottom or your other unmentionables, nor does my child or other children around you. On that same note, some of us are not blessed with that fabulous hot bod that looks great in bikini...sooooo, if you don't fit well into that itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini, don't wear one. I promise you'll look much "hotter" if you wear something that FITS. Bikins are not made for every body.

5. Flock of Seagulls- and I'm not referring that weird haired 80's group who ran so far away. I'm referring to those cute little loud white birds that love it when you throw your chips or crackers or breadcrumbs around. The ones who will stay and stay and stay and caw and caw and leave white paint like presents all around. Remember the personal space rule...if you'd like to feed the seagulls, by all means do it-- 15 to 20 feet away from your beach neighbors.

6. WEAR sunscreen- trust me, your mother is right. As wonderful as that beautiful sun is, especially at the beach, it can do some SERIOUS damage to your skin, not to mention it hurts and its just plain ugly. When you are my age or older, you will be thankful for all that nagging your mama or your sister or I did! Lack of sunscreen causes premature aging and more importantly, skin cancer. Is it really worth it?

7. You crusha my kid's sand castle, I breaka yo face- 'nuff said. Just not cool.

8. Litterbug, litterbug, shame on you- lazy, lazy, lazy. There really is no excuse for it. At a public beach, there is generally a trashcan at every single walkway. And if you're not in a public area, that means you're likely staying in a house or hotel very near the ocean. Bring a bag with you and throw your trash away. Really not a hard concept to grasp!

9. Space invaders- Along the same lines of the feeding of the seagulls above, the beach is a pretty vastly spaced area. Remember the personal space rules and if possible, try to sit at least 15-20 feet away from the person next to you. It may save you some grief in the long run if you end up next to the seagull feeding, music playing, football throwing, beer guzzling 'necks we all encounter every once in a while.

10. Dude, you are no Brett Favre- Playing football, volleyball, bocce ball, or any other ball becomes fun for even the least likely athlete when its done of the beach. Knock yourself out and have a blast...but please don't knock ME out. Play responsibly. Be aware of walkers on the beach, or kids swimming near the waves.

Remember the golden rule we learned as a child? "Do unto others as you'd have done to you." If you think about that as you set up for your beach fun, you're bound to have a great time, as are others around you. Happy beaching, everyone!