So a lot of times, I sit around and think about what I might blog about when I finally sit my butt down and actually do it. Lots of ideas floating around in my head. One night a few weeks ago, I couldn't sleep and watched one of Letterman's infamous "Top Ten" and started thinking about the top ten lists I could create for my blog. Then...of course, I never actually sat and wrote a blog.
Last week, I was watching "Sunday Morning" on CBS and they had a story about an Off Broadway play that was written by two sisters, called "Love, Loss, and What I Wore". In the story, they talked about things their mother had taught them growing up. Things like "Never buy a red coat", or "Never marry a man with bad ankles"...two statements I still don't really understand, but I digress.
Anyway, I started thinking of the things that my mom has taught me. As they started to pile up on my head, I decided it was time to do a post Mothers day tribute to my mom and the "Top Ten" things she taught me. Some are funny, some are serious, some are not to be repeated in mixed company and therefore didn't make this list, and some, she may not even realize were lessons. So here goes my first Top Ten!
Top Ten Lessons from my Mom
10. Oldies ARE goodies! My father was in the military. We moved ALL of the time and we generally had to go on long road trips anytime we were visiting family. My mother had cassette after cassette of oldie songs that we had to listen to. And, yes, we frequently complained. But, nowadays, I have many of those songs on my ipod and when I hear them, I have wonderful memories of our travels! Some of my favorites..."The Night Has a Thousand Eyes", "Duke of Earl", and "The Little Old Lady from Pasadena".
9. The table should be set at every meal, and should contain a placemat. I admit, I have not followed this rule as strictly as I should in my adult life. But growing up, we never ate a meal without a placemat under the plate, all silverware in its right place (even if we weren't eating anything that needed a spoon, there was still a spoon), a napkin, folded in half under the fork, and all meal items in serving dishes. We didn't fix our plate at the stove or counter and then sit down, and we didn't put pots on the table.
8. Mad at someone? Need to get something off of your chest? Write it down and then tear it up! Never put anything on paper (or electronic now) that you will regret later, and certainly never send anything to anyone until you've cooled down. There were times when I had to learn that lesson the hard way, but she's right. And I've written many letters, lists, post its, and emails that were deleted or torn up later!
7. You don't always have to go over the top to please your children...they will remember the little things you did for them and they will cherish those memories the most. This is one of those lessons I don't know that she intended to teach but she did. My parents did a LOT for me growing up, and there are many big events in my life that I will always remember. But there are lots more little things that I think of often and now try to repeat with my child in hopes she has those memories in her future. I remember sitting with my mom one time, as she showed me how to write bubble letters and thinking how cool she was, doing puzzles, having my mom as my brownie leader, chicken noodle soup and crackers with Velveeta cheese when I was sick, getting cards for no reason in college, and even more recent- calling me out of the blue cause she's just thinking of me. Those are the memories I cherish and love to do now with my daughter, while also watching her continue those traditions with her grandchildren.
6. Don't forget your earrings. My grandmother wouldn't allow my mom to pierce her ears until she was an adult. And even then, she pierced them herself. But I can probably count on one hand the number of days since she pierced her ears that she has not worn earrings. And by golly, if we show up at her house or she comes over and we aren't wearing any, it's the first thing she notices. "Where are your earrings?" She lives by the fact that earrings make the outfit and if you don't have them on, you're just not fully dressed!
5. Don't forget your coat or jacket. It does not matter where you are going. You could go into a cold store or restraunt. It could rain. It could snow even though it's 100 degrees outside. You need a jacket. Always. :)
4. Have fun! My parents always have fun. They planned great vacations (and yes, I admit I groaned about some of those vacations at the time but they sure have created great memories), my mom played the guitar, learned to paint, has had the same great group of friend for years and years that she laughs A LOT with. I remember my parents learning to "slap leather" many years ago with a bunch of their friends and then coming back and showing the kids what they learned and laughing til they cried. They know the importance of the word FUN!
3. Always have cash. I'm bad about adhering to this one too, but my mother ALWAYS says you need a stash of $20 or so somewhere just in case you get in a bind. She even taught me some "creative" ways of obtaining a little cash here and there without the spouse knowing (shhhhhh!!) like writing your check a little over the amount of the grocery bill or "keeping the change". :)
2. There are times when your strength must outweigh your sadness or misery. This is another lesson I don't know if she realizes she taught me. My family is an emotional group. And a close knit group too. So when something happens to someone we love, we get very emotional. But my mother has taught me that there are times when you have to be strong for others and not let that emotion show. I can see that even more now as I watch my daughter grow up...when she hurts, I hurt. When someone wrongs her, it hurts like hell and I want so badly to do something about it. But there are some lessons she has to experience on her own and I simply cannot help her with. I think back to when I was her age and some of the "drama" I experienced. Knowing how much I hurt for my daughter sometimes, I KNOW she had to have hurt too. I never saw her get overly emotional and cry- I'm sure she did in private but never in public. I remember when my dad's father died, and how upset my father was. But I remember too the strength she showed during that time and how she was there for his family. I remember other difficult times when people were rude or disrespectful to her. She could've flown off the handle. She could've stooped to their level. But she never did...and that is a valuable lesson to me.
and the number ONE lesson my mother taught me...
1. SCREAM IN YOUR PILLOW WHEN YOU ARE UPSET. Seriously...I know it sounds stupid, but it works. If I have a bad day at work, I go home and scream in my pillow and the stress is lightened. If I'm mad at someone or frustrated, I scream in my pillow. There is no need to yell at the person. There is no need to continuously let it stew. There is no need to perpetuate it. Try it...one good scream in your pillow and you'd be amazed at how much better you feel!
Thanks mom for all of the life lessons you've taught me...I'm a lucky lucky daughter to have learned from the best!
And to all of my blogger readers out there, do not dismay! I will be back VERY soon.
9. The table should be set at every meal, and should contain a placemat. I admit, I have not followed this rule as strictly as I should in my adult life. But growing up, we never ate a meal without a placemat under the plate, all silverware in its right place (even if we weren't eating anything that needed a spoon, there was still a spoon), a napkin, folded in half under the fork, and all meal items in serving dishes. We didn't fix our plate at the stove or counter and then sit down, and we didn't put pots on the table.
8. Mad at someone? Need to get something off of your chest? Write it down and then tear it up! Never put anything on paper (or electronic now) that you will regret later, and certainly never send anything to anyone until you've cooled down. There were times when I had to learn that lesson the hard way, but she's right. And I've written many letters, lists, post its, and emails that were deleted or torn up later!
7. You don't always have to go over the top to please your children...they will remember the little things you did for them and they will cherish those memories the most. This is one of those lessons I don't know that she intended to teach but she did. My parents did a LOT for me growing up, and there are many big events in my life that I will always remember. But there are lots more little things that I think of often and now try to repeat with my child in hopes she has those memories in her future. I remember sitting with my mom one time, as she showed me how to write bubble letters and thinking how cool she was, doing puzzles, having my mom as my brownie leader, chicken noodle soup and crackers with Velveeta cheese when I was sick, getting cards for no reason in college, and even more recent- calling me out of the blue cause she's just thinking of me. Those are the memories I cherish and love to do now with my daughter, while also watching her continue those traditions with her grandchildren.
6. Don't forget your earrings. My grandmother wouldn't allow my mom to pierce her ears until she was an adult. And even then, she pierced them herself. But I can probably count on one hand the number of days since she pierced her ears that she has not worn earrings. And by golly, if we show up at her house or she comes over and we aren't wearing any, it's the first thing she notices. "Where are your earrings?" She lives by the fact that earrings make the outfit and if you don't have them on, you're just not fully dressed!
5. Don't forget your coat or jacket. It does not matter where you are going. You could go into a cold store or restraunt. It could rain. It could snow even though it's 100 degrees outside. You need a jacket. Always. :)
4. Have fun! My parents always have fun. They planned great vacations (and yes, I admit I groaned about some of those vacations at the time but they sure have created great memories), my mom played the guitar, learned to paint, has had the same great group of friend for years and years that she laughs A LOT with. I remember my parents learning to "slap leather" many years ago with a bunch of their friends and then coming back and showing the kids what they learned and laughing til they cried. They know the importance of the word FUN!
3. Always have cash. I'm bad about adhering to this one too, but my mother ALWAYS says you need a stash of $20 or so somewhere just in case you get in a bind. She even taught me some "creative" ways of obtaining a little cash here and there without the spouse knowing (shhhhhh!!) like writing your check a little over the amount of the grocery bill or "keeping the change". :)
2. There are times when your strength must outweigh your sadness or misery. This is another lesson I don't know if she realizes she taught me. My family is an emotional group. And a close knit group too. So when something happens to someone we love, we get very emotional. But my mother has taught me that there are times when you have to be strong for others and not let that emotion show. I can see that even more now as I watch my daughter grow up...when she hurts, I hurt. When someone wrongs her, it hurts like hell and I want so badly to do something about it. But there are some lessons she has to experience on her own and I simply cannot help her with. I think back to when I was her age and some of the "drama" I experienced. Knowing how much I hurt for my daughter sometimes, I KNOW she had to have hurt too. I never saw her get overly emotional and cry- I'm sure she did in private but never in public. I remember when my dad's father died, and how upset my father was. But I remember too the strength she showed during that time and how she was there for his family. I remember other difficult times when people were rude or disrespectful to her. She could've flown off the handle. She could've stooped to their level. But she never did...and that is a valuable lesson to me.
and the number ONE lesson my mother taught me...
1. SCREAM IN YOUR PILLOW WHEN YOU ARE UPSET. Seriously...I know it sounds stupid, but it works. If I have a bad day at work, I go home and scream in my pillow and the stress is lightened. If I'm mad at someone or frustrated, I scream in my pillow. There is no need to yell at the person. There is no need to continuously let it stew. There is no need to perpetuate it. Try it...one good scream in your pillow and you'd be amazed at how much better you feel!
Thanks mom for all of the life lessons you've taught me...I'm a lucky lucky daughter to have learned from the best!
And to all of my blogger readers out there, do not dismay! I will be back VERY soon.
Wow Debbie. That was amazing. Hey if you only write one post a month and if they all like this, then I for one can wait. A very nice tribute to your mom and very well written. I loved it. And to top it off with the number one reason...I totally agree. Welcome back Debbie.
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